Today, I read Jennifer Williams‘ tweet. One time. And then it festered, and it was slow-releasing in my mind. All day long. She invited her #PLN to revisit its #OneWord2017. Summer is a great time for reflection. She concluded her blog with a challenge to be intentional; to organize yourself into a pie chart:
Me? In ONE pie chart? My #OneWord2017 was about giving up perfection; that perfection was unhealthy; and it was holding me back from expressing… anything.
But–I’m also just heartbeats away from a MAJOR change in my life. It’s not that my heart is torn, because I know my heart’s priorities. It’s just that I’m very worried. I don’t half–way anything. I do ONE thing–at a time–with my whole heart, mind, body, and soul. I do one thing at a time–with 100%. I love my opportunities to facilitate learning experiences for learners. But now I’m also fascinated and humbled by another heartbeat. And this heart. Beats…
After fifteen years as a classroom teacher, I guess I still have my routine and my pride. I still feel like I can do 100% in my career, AND I can do 100% in my family circle, too. If anyone can, I can. Right? Well, I have been used to 14-18-hour workdays for the last 15 years, so… maybe? I’ve already plotted my daily routine where I would still have “me” time to tweet, blog, read, and reflect, possibly 4am–6am. Is THAT going to happen? (And this is the time when all the parent-educators begin laughing hysterically, right? Sincerely, feel free to comment on this blog).
For years… I have done it all. All the time. I have lead several committees, after school clubs, our After School program. I have been well-versed in assuming the extras around campus, because I wanted to. I have attended several after hours meetings, and I have even presented at school, county, state, national, and international conferences. For 15 years, I’ve felt like this was not just what I do, but it’s who I am!
But the harsh reality is that I CAN’T be 100% in both circles. I tried. I’ve even pulled all-nighters in the workplace up until just a few years ago (I literally worked the whole night thru), until I got pneumonia… and by the doctor’s own words: “You should be DEAD right now!” I should have died. Literally. I have limits–And THAT is humbling.
I CAN’T be 100% in both circles—Because that would be 200%. And as much as I want to defy health and humanity, I only get 100%, just like everyone else. I have some really hard choices ahead of me, and I’m incredibly terrified.
I’m terrified that I won’t let myself let go of my #OneWord2017. I won’t let myself be content. I won’t let myself settle for “good enough,” because it’s not MY perfect. I won’t let myself express a halfway work ethic, because anything worth doing, is worth doing 100%! As surely as I compose this right now, I’m wrestling. HARD. What do you advise?
Will my perspective change when I see our child for the first time?